Everybody wants to be a good parent; every child needs a different kind of support, because every human being is unique in their very own way. We can try to honour and support a child’s right to be an individual.
In my view, conscious parenting begins with wanting the very best for a child & seeing it as a very special decision to give someone life, which makes the adult be responsible for making this child the highest priority (at least in the first few years when the child’s foundation has to be created). From my perspective, this includes whom you want to have a child with and how both of you perceive this journey.
First of all, we have to think about what we can offer our children and what we want to teach them so that they will become strong, healthy and wise human beings. This should be selfless: we are the givers; we give children life; we teach children how to think, feel and act… and so much more.
In order to inspire you, I’d like to share my insights from my personal experience.
We want to give our son:
- A safe place where he feels at home, nurtured and loved.
- An international education in which he would appreciate and accept different cultures, skin colours, belief systems and in which he would learn many languages.
- An understanding of a healthy lifestyle: healthy nutrition, sports, enough sleep, relaxation, and so on.
- An understanding of how to behave with kindness and respect as well as an understanding of gratitude, positive psychology, mindfulness and the quantum-reflected world we live in.
- An open space to communicate and to create his own vision (free from any dogmas or fixed rules).
All is one.
When we lived in Cape Town, my son Storm asked me a very interesting question at the age of 5, “Mum, what is a black person?”
“Well, they have a darker skin colour.” I replied.
“Is that like the difference in eye colour?” Storm was curious.
“Yes.” I responded to his question with certainty.
“Then why do we say ‘black’, not ‘brown-eyed’? Storm asked me.
Someone came up with the concept of races/skin colour a long time ago”. I said to him, “I hope that the concept of skin colour will fade away one day. If we focus on what we have in common, we win; otherwise, we lose.” ?
Mbappe, Ishowspeed, Central Cee and Drake are Storms’ heroes. (None of them has our skin colour or eye colour.) Storm speaks 4 languages fluently. He talks with his friends about the world as if he has seen every place already. Because his friends come from different parts of the world, their conversations are about all those cool places in the world. So far, Storm has become an authentic individual successfully.
The entire planet is full of contradictions. Although I really look forward to having a “man of the world” as my son who will probably go with his own flow and study elsewhere & might start a career in one of the metropolitan cities in the world, I’m sure that I will miss him as soon as he moves out. Also, I’m already making plans for myself (little fantasies about new projects regarding what I’ll do when I have more time for myself again after Storm moves out). I remind myself that I should always look at the bright side and think about beautiful stories. Missing someone can be seen as something beautiful as well. Saying goodbye in small steps, so it will be easier to ‘let go’.
In our social circle, we have homosexual men and women; we have friends with uncommon thoughts/beliefs about relationships; we have women that make more money than their husbands; we have friends from all races & from different parts of the world; we have very rich, famous and successful friends as well as friends who choose an artistic lifestyle instead of a materialistic way of life. I’m happy that Storm can learn so much from these people, and while seeing them, Storm knows what he prefers for himself.
We often get asked how we raised such a balanced and well-behaved boy. Firstly, you have to be balanced and behave in a way you want your child to behave, and then you can get what you want to see in your child. Your child is mirroring your behaviour constantly. If you are stressed, the anxious energy will affect your child’s behaviour because your behaviour reflects this anxious frequency. Conscious parents focus on their own language, their expectations and their self-regulation. Here are some things we have done and can recommend:
- When I was pregnant, I meditated for several hours per week so as to send our son quiet and balanced vibes. I connected with his energy while meditating, and I could feel myself as a vessel in which he could grow safely.
- As a toddler, Storm was given the freedom with the risk of falling on a playground. (As we live in a reflected reality, the child would fall more easily when the adult has fear & the child wouldn’t fall easily when the adult has no fear.)
- When Storm was a baby, we never woke him up to eat or drink. We allowed him to have his own rhythm, according to his own nature. Of course, we would always make sure that he had enough to eat and drink as we followed the nutritional guidelines. After 6 weeks, Storm slept through the night and he was only smiling in the first 2 years. Such a happy kid.
- We never punish Storm. Instead, we explain to him regarding what is unacceptable or dangerous. Also, we praise him when he does something good.
- While interacting with Storm, we explain that we can teach him things from our own experience, but he has to learn to make his own choices and with that, he can learn from his own mistakes. We always very openly talk about mistakes, so Storm sees that mistakes are a part of life.
- We establish boundaries beforehand and use positive reinforcement, so Storm knows what is unacceptable behaviour.
- We always communicate in the following ways: “We advise you to…” (instead of “You have to…”). “We have been here for longer, and from our experience, we wouldn’t buy X with your pocket money, but if you want, it’s your decision.”
- I prefer letting Storm do things on his own in order to make him independent rather than save time and do it by myself.
- Every evening, Storm and I have a chat to share what’s happened during the day, his secrets, emotions, feelings and thoughts, thereby giving him healthy perspectives. We mirror each other. Now he is 11 years old.
- As a family, we talk like a team. We have certain goals like harmony, love and balance. Together we are responsible for achieving these goals.
- I do some simple breathwork exercises with Storm and I’ve taught him to use these techniques whenever he feels stressed or anxious, which is something that I would recommend to every parent.
Would you like to become a conscious parent?
At my coaching sessions and coaching retreats, people regularly talk about their own challenges as parents.
Every case is unique; therefore, it’s beneficial if a coach mirrors you in order to “see” things from a new perspective when it’s needed.
A conscious parenting approach requires you to engage in self-reflection and communication. One of the very interesting views on conscious parenting is children are complete individuals who have something to teach adults. If we find those layers, we are discovering new important truths about ourselves. Truly accepting this requires parents to speak to children with respect & a balanced frequency and to communicate with them openly and regularly.
Treat your children as if they are guests on this planet and you are a guest as well: Respect freedom of choice and attention, so that our children will become strong individuals. For the world to become a better place, we need strong individuals, free thinkers, authentic leaders with a global perspective.
We are guests here and I tell my son that we want the very best for him.
I always speak with him in terms that he understands why we want him to learn something or experience something.
Firstly, you should heal your own wounds and become your authentic self in order to allow your child to be true to their authentic self, and that won’t happen overnight! So, again, seek support. I recommend you to look for a coaching retreat or individual coaching sessions first so as to become a conscious parent, if you are not there… yet!